When you get “that” phone call…

It took about two weeks most years for me to have the phone number of August’s school memorized so that when it appeared on my phone I knew who was calling. And you all know that feeling. You may be shopping, working, at the gym, anywhere when you get “that” phone call. And your breath gets tight and your skin crawls and you think just a bit about whether or not to answer. Right?

I confess, I have not answered more than once. Just to have a couple minutes to collect myself. And then called back and apologized. Because I just couldn’t get hit with whatever “it” is. Maybe I’d go sit in my car if I was somewhere in public, just in case. But I didn’t want to be blindsided always by whatever was on the other side of that phone.

So what could happen when you get “that” phone call? Well it could be anything like the simple, “Your child forgot their lunch” or, “Your child isn’t feeling well.” But with our RAD kiddos there is an equal likelihood that it’s something way more complicated. With August it was the interesting things he chose to bring to school like the pocket knife and the water bottle full of vodka. Or the behaviors like looking in the women’s restroom or run-of-the-mill anger. Then there were some bigger issues like the stolen cell phone or when he ran away from the residential treatment center.

So what do you do when you get “that” phone call? I think there were days when we immediately would have sided with our child and blamed the teacher. Or sided with the teacher and blamed the child. But those of us with RAD kiddos know that nothing with our children is that clear cut. Ideally, you have established a close relationship with your child’s teachers so that when situations occur, communication is easy. And hopefully, your child’s teachers have an understanding of their behavior and can put the incident in that context.

The key here is this is where all your work at the beginning of the school year pays off. And if it hasn’t been done yet, now is the time to get it done. For example, I was working as a substitute teacher a couple of weeks ago in a high school social studies class. There was a student who was giving me a lot of back talk from the moment I walked in. Now I’m not saying he was a RAD kiddo, but he did remind me a lot of August. This kept up until he asked to go to the bathroom. I said yes at which point he took all his books and left. I asked the class if he was coming back and they said probably not so I notified the Dean who let me know later they had him.

At the end of the day he came back to the room and apologized. He said he knew he wasn’t doing well so he left. He apparently has medication that he takes and he knew he needed some. I told him I understood and that I had a son very much like him. What I wish I’d been able to suggest but couldn’t is why didn’t he have a behavior plan that gave him the opportunity to leave without the chance of getting into trouble. The class knew him as a trouble-maker. There was no information from the teacher. He didn’t have any “out” to help him. I was pleased he knew himself enough to remove himself from the situation but I wish he had some support to make it easier for him.

Hopefully when you get “that” phone call you will already have the relationship that will allow you to process whatever prompted the call in the context of RAD and your child’s unique behaviors. If not, consider this your open door. One of the reasons we moved August between third and fourth grades was that he was labeled in his prior school by a teacher who wouldn’t work with us. Getting teachers informed and knowledgeable about RAD generally and your child specifically is critical to a successful partnership in handling behavior.

Of utmost importance is for the teacher to understand that you know RAD doesn’t excuse your child’s behaviors; it explains them. And you’re not using this illness to let your child get away with anything. Here’s a very good article for teachers on how to deal with a traumatized child. It may be a good reference for starting a conversation with your child’s teacher. Don’t be afraid of the phone…it’s all part of the process.

Until next time,

Shannon

Who are your child’s friends?

Sometimes RAD kiddos who don’t want to bond with anyone seem yet able to make attachments. But are they the right ones? It’s not always easy to figure out how children make the choices they do or why. But friendships are important for a child’s development. Here is a great article that talks about how it happens and about why it matters. So it can be good to know…who are your child’s friends?

August is very charming. He has a big personality and never had trouble drawing other children to him. From pre-school on he always had friends. However, it was kindergarten when I started to notice he had a gift for attracting the bad influence in any group situation. The child in his class with the spiked hair and frosted tips was like a magnetic for August. He was too cool for school and August worshiped him. It wasn’t a pattern yet but I wish I had noticed the way he was mesmerized by that child’s style because I would have known what to watch out for down the road. But five-year-olds aren’t that scary. And it can get much scarier.

As he moved through elementary school he always seemed to make friends. He had a friend who was Mormon. The seventh of nine children. This is the first child I saw August try to control. I think he was susceptible due to growing up with so many older siblings. But August had the intuition and was able to capitalize on it.

After we moved to North Carolina he made friends very quickly. As I mentioned in a prior post, the first day of school he came off the bus with a friend who he remained close to for years. But because we had to move him out of his neighborhood school, it became hard to keep friendships with the local kids. And making friends with kids at a school where kids come from all over the city was equally complicated. But he did pretty good at having friends though all the trouble he got into was by himself.

Some of his attempts to have friends came off as showing off. He didn’t have much, if any, interest in learning. His way to “fit in” was to carry around the biggest hard bound books he could find. And when taking tests if he couldn’t get the answers right he would rather be first. So he would always finish his test way ahead of anyone else.

Middle school was such a whirlwind of change that I don’t really know what to say about it. He was in sixth grade for half a year until he got in trouble and we pulled him out and I homeschooled him. We did have a good homeschool community where we lived so he did have the opportunity to spend time with other children. After a year of that, we tried putting him back into public school but that proved a disaster which ended with his bringing a water bottle full of vodka to school. That was another attempt to show off to some other kids. He was continuing to find the kids who would get him in trouble no matter where he went.

After this school attempt was the 16 months in residential treatment. It seems like maybe everyone in there would be a bad influence but there were definitely some at the extremes. And yes, August found those. The ones that set off the smoke alarms, the ones that convinced him to run away. I’m not saying he wasn’t culpable in these but he certainly was good at finding partners in crime.

Then there was high school. The first attempt was a private school designed for students who have behavioral issues. Small school, small classes, seemed like the perfect environment. He immediately found one student who thought like he did. Yes, another partner in crime. And in less than a year he’d been expelled. A new city and a new high school found new friends with whom he skipped school on a regular basis. And from there we were off to the races. The wheels fell off completely after that and the rest, as they say, is history.

It’s always good to know who your child’s friends are. They will have an influence on how your child acts. And your child will have an affect on them. The same manipulation and controlling you see used on you can be used on their peers. So don’t be surprised if they lose friends or if you hear from parents. August did have a hard time with friends who would go periods not wanting to be around him. He sometimes had to be taken in small doses.

This is another aspect of RAD that just doesn’t show up in the same way with every child. But it will take some vigilance on your part to try and surround your child with the friends who will help them feel secure and validated. Here is an article with ideas about what to do when your child has a friend who is maybe a bad influence. And teach your child how to be a good friend and try and make sure that happens.

Until next time,

Shannon

How to find out what your child thinks of school.

For many years I would ask August at the end of a school day what was his favorite part of his day. That had to be quickly followed by, “Besides lunch and recess.” Otherwise, I got one of those two answers. Which was pretty predictable. For a child with ADHD and other undiagnosed learning issues as well as reactive attachment disorder, school can be a pretty tiresome and frustrating place. So I’ve put together some ideas on how to find out what your child thinks of school. In case you’ve experienced the same dilemma.

Every child usually has a favorite subject or a favorite teacher. That is the best place to start. Asking open-ended questions like, “What is your favorite teacher’s favorite word?” or “What did you work on in [insert favorite subject]?” These kinds of questions will hopefully get you more than one-word answers. And will then foster more questions and more conversation.

Asking questions about peers is also helpful. You might not be able to learn about specific children but you might be able to get a read of the room. Questions like, “Who said something funny today?” or “Who would you like to sit beside?” Now a quick word, this last question can be very helpful. August had a gift. He could seek out in any situation, the one child who could get him in the most trouble. Like a heat-seeking missile, he had the ability to find the one child he could connect with who had just as much ability to get into mischief as he did. He did it in school, summer camps, extra-curricular activities, you name it. It really was a gift.

I would recommend keeping some notes, particularly if some of the answers give you pause, to discuss at teacher conferences. You and the teacher can compare notes and it may give you both a more well-rounded picture of what your child is feeling about their school experience.

I found this article which has many more questions, some of them really funny! Whatever questions you ask, make sure your children know you are interested in more than their grades and their homework. Make sure they know you care about how they feel about being in school. Particularly with RAD kiddos, that may be harder to get to but it’s much better to put in the work than be caught off guard when the explosion happens, right?

Until next time,

Shannon

What Does Anxiety Look Like In RAD?

School anxiety is not unique to just RAD kiddos. Unfortunately with the ramped up focus on standardized testing and college entrance getting more and more competitive, school performance is more intense than ever. Even the most psychologically together child can feel the pressure. But our RAD kiddos feel anxiety on multiple fronts so adding school to the mix can create a whole new level. So, what does anxiety look like in RAD?

Our RAD kiddos live in a constant state of high alert. They are of the belief that they must stay vigilant because their very survival depends on it. Try adding to that the pressures of school. Navigating social interactions can be hard because RAD kiddos aren’t always good at picking up on social cues appropriately. A full school day is tiring and many RAD kiddos have sleep issues. The demands of school work during the day plus homework at night is rigorous and many RAD kiddos also have a learning disability. All of this on top of the anxiety already innate in RAD is the perfect storm.

What teachers and school staff may see is anxiety and other behaviors that seem “extreme” to the situation. What does that mean? With August it was simple. And I had to explain it again and again. And again. His anxiety came out as anger. He absolutely boiled over with anxiety. And to those not familiar with this reaction it would make no sense in context with the situation.

RAD kiddos have so much anxiety they can’t always control it and don’t know how to manage it. And their “fight or flight” primal instincts will kick in. As well as their basic needs to control their circumstances. These will always win out whenever they feel anxious. And again, in a school situation, this will not always be known or apparent to the random choir teacher or substitute in science class.

What is the way to handle the overload of anxiety our RAD kiddos bring to school? How do we explain to educators what anxiety looks like in RAD? These aren’t easy questions to answer. The answer starts when they first wake up in the morning. If you are one of those families that lives in a constant state of chaos, making your morning routine as calm as possible will help lessen the anxiety that starts the day. I have had mixed success with that! Some easy things like a good breakfast with protein are important. Protein is great for brain function. We have gone through massive amounts of pre-cooked bacon over the years!

Now that I’ve been substitute teaching, I know that every child with an IEP or Behavior plan has a write-up with their primary teacher regarding important things to know about their conduct and any considerations that are important for their safety. I don’t know if these are given to every teacher who has that student (I imagine so) but I know that as a sub it’s not called out very often. Some teachers I fill in for will, most do not. And I know the chances are extremely rare that this information will be necessary. But August’s anxiety got really ramped up when the rest of the class got excited due to having a substitute so knowing this would have really helped me as a substitute in his class.

If your RAD kiddo has exceptional anxiety issues and they don’t have a Behavioral Intervention Plan, inquire about getting one set up. It gets on paper some goals for them but it also outlines their options for getting out of anxiety-producing situations before they get in trouble or things explode. They are great ways to define the relationship between your RAD kiddo and the teachers to handle their anxiety.

In August’s case, just knowing he had options was enough. He didn’t use his “outs” for when he gets overwhelmed much. Just having the options eased his anxiety well-enough in most

I think it’s important that your children know their options and they feel confident in what they can control. Because as we all know control is key. Getting a check on their emotional state in the morning maybe at breakfast would be a good idea. See where they are on a 1-10 scale. Is there a test that day? Maybe if they’re already sitting at a seven, a call to the school might be in order.

All children deal with some kind of anxiety. School is rough! I wouldn’t want to be a student these days. For some other ideas on how to help your child with school anxiety, here is a wonderful article. Here’s to having a great-and CALM-school year!

Until Next Time,

Shannon

After School…What Happens Now?

When August was in later elementary and middle school, the end of the school day would send me into a panic. I was about to pick up a child who was by then unmedicated, who had homework to do that he hated, who was tired and hungry. And there was a younger brother to take care of as well. So there was the same question every day: After School…What Happens Now?

We always tried to get the homework knocked out first. This had mixed results. And the negotiations would rival the purchase of a new car. Food was always involved because when the ADHD medication wears off (it has an appetite suppression side effect) he was ravenous.

But many days homework would lead to rages and running away and battles that were so out of line with the work that needed to be done. It was one of these rages that lead to his eventual RAD diagnosis. And this is something many of you can relate to. Once he started to “spin” as I would call his raging, it would last for hours. It was a long, agonizing process which may or may not have ended with finished homework.

Extra-curricular activities worked well most of the time. He loved sports because he had endless amounts of energy. The problem with that is, if there was a game or a practice that occurred right after school, there would still be homework to tackle when we got home. And the later it got and the more tired he got, the worse the chances were that any homework was going to get done.

As I mentioned, it was one of these after school failures that helped us finally discover August had reactive attachment disorder. We had spent an afternoon after school arguing over homework which devolved quickly. His anger moved into raging and violence. He threw things at me every time I got anywhere near him. I’d never seen anything like it.

The next day we took him to the doctor instead of school and there was a moment when we considered hospitalization. Instead we got an appointment with a psychiatrist and a prescription for Seroquel. For those who don’t know, this is a super-powerful anti-psychotic used mostly to treat bi-polar disorder. We were told to give it to him until he calmed down. I had a friend with bi-polar disorder. She said she took 1/4 of one. August needed four. The psychiatrist we got in to see a couple days later was the blessing that gave us the RAD diagnosis and finally set us on the correct parenting course.

This is a cute way to show early readers what needs to be done in an after school routine.

So these are just some of the things I experienced in trying to manage the after school world. One year we added in tutoring after school. You’d have thought I was taking him to the dentist twice a week. That speaks for itself. What I learned from it is that my unmedicated, tired, hungry child is not in a good place to do ANYTHING. Least of all more schoolwork. But it’s not going to get any better later in the evening. So it’s a matter of pay now or pay later. But there are a few things I found that can help:

  • DEFINITELY food
  • Some kind of outdoor exercise for a period of time (even August knew he needed that!)
  • If your child can do homework after dinner and some downtime would be a better choice, go for it!
  • Have some flexibility on the homework environment. Can they do work outside? Then let them. Can they work lying on the floor? Sure!
  • Be an advocate for your child. If the amount of homework is just too much for them, negotiate with their teacher on what fulfills the needs of learning the material without stressing out your child. Get their therapist involved if necessary.

Here is a great article about ideas for spending time after school. Some of these ideas would be great for bonding and engaging your child and might qualify for school credit depending on what your child is studying at the time. After school doesn’t have to be a crazy, stressful angry time where we are all just counting the hours until bedtime.

I loved this and certainly it shows the complexity of everything that can happen from after school to bedtime! There was also a blank one and I dropped in on the resources page in case you’d like to create one of your own!

Find a routine that works for you and make sure your child(ren) agree to the plan. Their buy-in is crucial to the success!

Until next time,

Shannon

The Philosophy of Homework

I don’t know about you all, but homework was a problem from the first day of kindergarten. It was never smooth sailing no matter how easy or how challenging the assignment. And sometimes it was a knock-down, drag-out fight. In the end, there were no winners. My relationship with August was further strained. More often than not the homework still wasn’t done. And both of us were angry and stressed at the end of an already long day. So today I impart the philosophy of homework.

As August got older, I began to be more of an advocate for him where homework was concerned. Some nights it just wasn’t possible to do homework. His head just wasn’t in the right place. We’d added tutoring one year, and after a full day of school then tutoring there was no way I could get him to sit still for yet more schooling. We’d get home and the car would barely be in the garage before he would take off. Running away rather than do homework told me all I needed to know about his anxiety where homework was concerned.

And true, some of it was good ‘ole RAD manipulation but some of it wasn’t. And now that I’m substitute teaching fairly frequently, I’m adding to my knowledge of what’s necessary when it comes to homework. I remember long ago when I was in school and got loads of homework from every teacher I’d complain, “Do they think they’re the ONLY teacher we have?” Students today have agendas and online systems and telephone systems to keep up with assignments. And so much of what they need to do can be done on computer (This is just a little whining about how good kids have it today compared to my generation!) But it seems like it’s creating a generation of students with no executive function skills at all.

But there will always be a need for homework but also a love/hate relationship where RAD kiddos are concerned. And here is what I believe the philosophy of homework should be. Homework is not:

  • Punishment
  • Busy work
  • Filling out curriculum requirements because the teacher can’t plan

Homework is:

  • Reinforcing material already taught
  • Only if necessary (if it appears the class isn’t getting the concept)
  • Only enough work to grasp the material

Now what if getting your RAD kiddo to do homework is a cage fight like I had with August? This is where your IEP can come in handy. You do have the ability to put in writing that you can negotiate the amount of homework that your child will need to complete. And in most cases your child’s teacher will work with you even if it’s not in an IEP. But absolutely do not compromise your child’s well-being and your relationship for the sake of a few math problems. Let your child know you believe homework is important, but strike a balance that preserves the calm in the home.

As soon as I started explaining August’s anxiety where homework was concerned and he and I started coming to agreements about what amount of homework was sufficient for him to complete (many times he was able to complete it all!) life got much calmer.

For some more official commentary on the pros and cons of homework check out this article from Psychology Today. And Time published research on whether or not homework is good for kids. This was in response to teachers announcing they were not giving it out anymore. As always, the solution is that you know your child best and can be their best advocate. And in the end, you don’t want to be the one doing the homework!

Until next time,

Shannon

Does Your Child Have an IEP?

This can be a loaded question when it comes to a RAD kiddo. Because of the misunderstanding surrounding reactive attachment disorder. And because of the fact that it doesn’t (shouldn’t) have anything to do with learning ability. Many times RAD alone will not enable your child to qualify. So the question, “Does your child have an IEP?” turns into “Does your child need an IEP?”

August was diagnosed with ADHD four years before he was diagnosed with RAD. And of course being adopted from Russia, he also qualified for ESL (English as a Second Language) services. I knew there were issues with his learning. There was something wrong with his cognitive ability where reading was concerned. We had him tested every which way and he tested at the low end of average. But the ADHD qualified him for services under the OHI (Other Health Impaired) category.

Yet it took until second grade for me to get him approved for an IEP. They waited until he was two full grades behind before they would give him an IEP. And I knew what I was doing. I knew what he was eligible for. It amazed me and amazes me still how people who maybe aren’t in a position to do the research and ask the questions (I wasn’t working full-time at the time) are able to navigate the IEP quagmire.

August has only ever qualified for an IEP based on his ADHD under the OHI category. In middle school we added a behavioral health plan. But his reactive attachment disorder never factored into any of the accommodations that were made in either plan. I always spent a long time explaining RAD in IEP meetings, what it was, how it impacts his thinking, his behavior, his focus and why accommodations might be helpful. But legally he has never been entitled to anything based on that diagnosis.

Now I never tried to get him any services under Section 504. This is another option which provides equal treatment for individuals with mental or physical disabilities. Again, since there is no evidence that RAD impairs education, this is a hard sell. I would love to hear from any of you that have had success getting a Section 504 or an IEP on the basis of RAD alone. Every parent I’ve ever met has had to get their accommodations based on a second disorder or disability their child also has. Fortunately or unfortunately our children almost always have one of those!

Most of us have are already good at being an advocate where our RAD kiddos are concerned. Getting an IEP needs you to have just a strong a voice. I find that making sure you have in writing everything they are eligible for even if they don’t use it is better than assuming that they won’t need a special service. Don’t be proud. They may get great grades. Maybe they have good reading ability and don’t need to have things read to them. That’s great. Check the box that enables them to have things read to them anyway if it’s an option. You never know when they’re going to have a bad day and having a test read to them may be the thing that calms them down.

If you do not have an IEP for your child and want to learn how to get one or see if your child might be eligible, this will explain the process better than I ever could. If you’d like to check out a Section 504, here’s where to look.

For either situation, always remember, you are the expert on your child. Do not be intimidated. And also remember, everyone wants your RAD kiddo to be successful. They are on your side!

Until next time,

Shannon

Doing the School Lunch Shuffle

This would not be a popular lunch for August…no dessert!

I have vivid memories of wandering the grocery store aisles trying to figure out what I might be able to put in August’s lunch that he might actually eat. I was getting tired of spending time packing a healthy lunch that comes back almost completely as I sent it. Except for the dessert. And then as soon as he hit the door of the house he was famished. But by then it was too close to dinner to give him as much food as he wanted! Doing the school lunch shuffle was a constant battle of sending him to school hoping he’d eat the food with no control over whether that would actually happen.

If you’re RAD kiddo is like mine, food is a big control issue. August was a food hoarder from almost day one. He was amazing at sneaking down at night and getting food from the kitchen. Then making it back upstairs with us in the next room. I was shocked. When he got old enough to go to school, he also got diagnosed with ADHD (it seems with Reactive Attachment Disorder, our children get a package deal of other acronyms as well) so getting him to sit still for a meal was an effort. But we knew that protein was important so there was pre-cooked bacon in the morning before school and as much meat as we could get him to eat in the evening.

We didn’t want to medicate him but in conversations with his teacher it became apparent that was going to be necessary. Unfortunately, most ADHD meds have an appetite suppressant side effect. That also played a role in his lack of appetite during the day. But the reality was he just couldn’t be bothered to eat the good stuff. However he could always manage to eat the cookies or the cake!

Do you have one of these? If so, how do you help get the good food in when you send them off to school? Certainly for our RAD kiddos a big key to success is control. The more you can let them be in charge of what goes into their lunches the better results you are likely to get. Within reason, and depending on age, you can let them make choices of what they want. Apple or grapes? Ham and cheese or PB&J? Chips or Doritos? The more they feel in control of the food choices, the more likely they are to eat what they’ve picked.

Also, make it fun! Now this requires a little advanced planning which may be hard for families where everyone works out of the house. But I did some searching and found some sites that had some fun ideas. These are ones that the kiddos could help with and could be done over the weekend. So you can have the whole week’s lunches done!

This one has 100 ideas! Some are very simple and some are more involved but many can be made ahead. And these are super creative and cute and sure to make your child the winner at the lunch table!

So when you’re doing the school lunch shuffle, choice and creativity are the keys to success! Good luck on making healthy lunches your child will love all year long!

Until next time,

Shannon

Developing a School Crisis Management Plan

Every child has their own triggers and pressure points. It’s hard to know what will set them off. Your RAD kiddo may have completely different “freak out” points than my August. And probably does. So when it comes to what happens at school, there’s no telling what’s going to be the thing that breaks them. But developing a school crisis management plan can go a long way toward being prepared for any situation.

August had a variety of different crisis plans over the years. And they dealt with a variety of different situations that would set him off. We have always worked with both his teachers and administrators to set up plans that would benefit him but not be disruptive to the class. Because the goal was to help August stay calm but also to make sure the classroom can function. 

The conversation always took place with me, the IEP teacher (or even better the whole team), his primary teacher and someone from the administration (Dean, Principal, counselor). It helps to get all angles on the issue and to make sure we are doing what is allowed. My job is to explain August. What will set him off, how will he react, what might work to diffuse any situations.

With August it was a couple different things. He had ADHD on top of the RAD so his energy had energy. And sometimes his anxiety over being cooped up for long periods would get the better of him. We made a plan with his fourth grade teacher that when that happened that he could sign out just like he was going to the bathroom and go run the track. Now this was made much easier by the fact that his classroom that year was in a trailer. He could go out and the teacher could see him on the track. And being outside was also very calming for August in addition to burning energy. And no one knew he wasn’t in the bathroom!

The other thing that set him off were substitute teachers. He developed bonds with his primary teachers and subs didn’t know him. Plus all the students in his classes were louder and more rowdy when there was a substitute. And we were finding that he was getting in trouble a lot when there was a sub. So we gave him an “out”. If he felt overwhelmed, he was allowed to tell the sub he wanted to go to the office. That would remove him from the environment that would tempt him to act out. Then he could spend whatever time he needed in the office doing work or just reading. 

Middle School was more difficult. It seemed to be harder to get something that worked. We tried a lot of things. One of them was a “blue card” which was just a simple laminated blue card. He kept it with him at all times and any time he was feeling overwhelmed or like he was about to lose it, he could just put the card on his desk. Once the teacher saw it, he could leave and go to the office and see the counselor. That way there didn’t need to be a big conversation or argument, the teacher couldn’t say no (that was HUGE) but August wasn’t allowed to abuse the tool either. 

Expectations in high school were such that it was harder to put a system in place to handle any meltdowns. I explained (again) what reactive attachment disorder was all about and why it was different than other disorders. Also why it needed different considerations. He was allowed to wear a rubber bracelet (thinking Live Strong) to help with anxiety and we did implement the “blue card” system we had used in middle school. They were just less willing to accommodate “out of the box” behavior at that age. 

As with everything when it comes to your RAD kiddo, you know them best. Don’t be afraid to suggest whatever you think will make it easiest on both them and the teacher. Make sure the teacher understands you are trying to keep the classroom calm as well as your child. And if your child is of an appropriate age, bring them into the conversation. I also included August’s psychiatrist in a call with the Middle School team at one point. I needed him to help explain RAD when I wasn’t getting my point across. Once trouble starts for your child at school…at least this is what I experienced with August…it seems like it follows them from grade to grade.

But find something that will work and help your RAD kiddo manage the times when their minds get the better of them. And continue to work with them to develop better coping skills of their own. Celebrate every quarter or semester that the “escape valve” doesn’t need to be used as a moment of growth and maturity! And hopefully over the years you won’t need it at all!

Until next time,

Shannon

 

What’s on My “To Read” List

This has always been one of my favorite sayings.

So many books, so little time. I have multiple topics I love to read about. But within those topics there are so many good books! I try to stay up on what’s current in Reactive Attachment Disorder but obviously self-care is also big on my list! And with August’s current prison stay, I’m now moving into looking for books to help me understand what to expect afterward. But what’s on my “to read” list is a constantly moving target!

In the area of books on RAD, there are not a lot of new books being published on the topic. The work being done on possibly changing the name is still under consideration so no one has published a full book on the subject. Nevertheless, there are some new books that have come out in the last few months. I haven’t read them so this isn’t a recommendation of any sort. But based on my research they look promising.

Reactive Attachment Disorder Books

  • Reversing Reactive Attachment Disorder: Overcoming Cravings The Raw Vegan Plant-Based Detoxification & Regeneration Workbook for Healing Patients. Volume 3– I know the effect of food on RAD has always been a hot topic. When August was little it was food dyes and Dr. Feingold’s diet. This one uses what is now known about the benefits of a plant-based diet focused on RAD.
  • Love Never Quits: Surviving and Thriving After Infertility, Adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder– This is one family’s story of adopting a child from Guatemala who has RAD. After years of infertility they adopted one, then a second child and that one had RAD. She deals with her years of struggle with all these issues and the emotional roller coaster ride that it takes the family on. It sounds like the story of my life!
  • My Self Healing Journal Surviving Reactive Attachment Disorder: Prompt Journal For Families Surviving RAD/Reactive Attachment Healing Journal/Reactive Attachment Diary– This is a self-published journal and each page includes a writing prompt to help you with getting out your feelings about life with a RAD kiddo. If you don’t have a great support group and need some place to vent your feelings, this may be a good option.

The other topic I keep an eye on is help for school. This one is harder because the issues tend to be more subject-specific or child-specific. But here are a few that looked interesting:

  • Helping Children Manage Anxiety at School: A Guide for Parents and Educators in Supporting the Positive Mental Health of Children in Schools– Anxiety can infect so much of a child’s performance at school. And RAD kiddos who feel shame and have no control don’t have to look far for sources of anxiety. Add to that learning disabilities and they can have so many strikes against them. Managing anxiety can go a long way toward creating a successful school experience.
  • Lessons from the Listening Lady: Adolescents & Anxiety A family guide to making the mind, body, spirit connection– This has the same goal as the previous book but it is specifically targeted toward adolescents.
  • Words Will Never Hurt Me: Helping Kids Handle Teasing, Bullying and Putdowns– This one looked particularly interesting. August had a rough patch with bullying in late elementary school (when your name is also a month…) His quick temper and grandiose opinion of himself didn’t help him handle it well. I wish I would have had a way to better handle talking to him about dealing with it.

The last section is self-care and that is a monumental list that I could write about forever, but the easiest way to help with this is to recommend goodreads. If you’re not there, you should be! You can connect with friends and share what you’re reading, what you want to read and what you’ve read. You can look for what celebrities are reading! And you can browse by subject to get information on what the goodreads universe is reading to see what is recommended in about every genre. I’m not copping out but their self-help section is particularly good. And, of course, there’s an app for that!

Roald Dahl has been and continues to be one of mine and the boys favorite author. If he’s not as familiar to you, Google him. You’ll be amazed!

I am sure there are many more you might be reading and I would love for you to share them! And as I get through these I will post reviews! I will also move these titles and more information over to the resources page for easier referencing!

Until next time,

Shannon