This is not an area I am qualified about which to write. My marriage did not survive our efforts to heal August and hold our relationship together as well. But I did learn a lot from that experience which I think I can share. Hopefully some ideas on pair care: self-care for couples will work to help maintain your team which is so essential for keeping your sanity with a RAD kiddo in the house.
There will naturally be some aspects of RAD kiddo interaction that one partner might be better at handling than another. One may have more patience with homework and one may handle bedtime better. Having some conversations with each other about what might be the best division of labor helps you each play to your own strengths. That’s the first step to making sure you each don’t get burned out doing child-care that is more taxing than it needs to be. There will of course be times when you have to do something you don’t want to but keeping it to a minimum is the goal.
When you do get some free time as a couple, make sure you take full advantage of it. And that doesn’t mean copping out with dinner and a movie. It’s important that your time together is meaningful and substantial. Try something that gets you engaged together and talking rather than just in the same place at the same time. Try some of these ideas:
- A picnic
- A dinner at a place where you can take your time
- A museum
- A hike
As you can see the idea with these choices is doing things that promote talking, engagement and togetherness. Just being in the same place at the same time doesn’t count. There are other things you can do on a daily basis that will help make sure that time doesn’t pass without taking care of the relationship. Some ideas may include:
- Leaving each other notes of affirmation
- Small gifts
- Doing small things that help out (getting gas for the car, laundry)
- Find even a few moments of quiet time together
For some more ideas, check out this article. The bottom line is make sure you keep each other well through also dealing with your RAD kiddo. It will be easy to get buried in the chaos of RAD. Don’t let it happen!
Until next time,