When it’s back-to-school time one of the most exciting things for school children to find out is, “Who is my teacher going to be?” The learn from older brothers and sisters and friends what the personalities of the teachers of the higher grades are and they know who they want to have. And they hope their friends get in the same class! But for RAD kiddos, the importance of the teacher match is even greater.
When August was in 3rd grade, he had a teacher (whose name I’ve blocked out) that was a disaster. Not just for him, but there were so many things that I didn’t agree with. Making reading scores public on the board among other things that were demeaning to all the children. August had just gotten his IEP the year prior and I wasn’t good at advocating for him yet.
So when she started having problems with him I didn’t quite know what to do. She put a presentation board around his desk to block him from other students. They were in a mobile classroom and she lost him once when he ran away. After Christmas break we were meeting with her and she asked if we’d ever thought about homeschooling. When we said we were looking at lots of options for the next year she replied, “You don’t have to wait until next year.” That’s when we decided to move schools…
I had gotten enough of an education from that experience to be on it when it came to knowing what would work for August for 4th grade. He got a male teacher who was cool and athletic. When we had his IEP meeting in October, the team was astonished reading his file from the previous school because of how well he was doing. The importance of the teacher match.
The next example showed up in middle school. August had always done best in science and math. He seemed to have a block when it came to anything language-based. Nothing we could identify by testing but reading was very tough for him. We show up in middle school and the system is to team teach with a pair of teachers: one does math and science and one does history and English. All of the sudden August is doing great in history and English and awful in math and science. He raves about his English teacher and he can’t stand his math teacher. What do you know? The importance of the teacher match.
What I learned from these and from conversations about this with August’s psychiatrist is that this is RAD in all it’s glory. RAD kiddos do not trust. And very quickly they size people up and label them as good or bad. And once they get into one of those categories, it is hard if not impossible to get out. August did not trust the teachers he had problems with because they did not choose to understand him. In spite of my efforts to let them know what would work, they chose to try and make him conform and the result was disastrous. The teachers that listened and learned and were willing to give just a little had a great year with a great kid.
I had conversations with the principal about August’s teacher choices. Do not be afraid to start at the top. Everyone will benefit from your child having a good year. Bring your resources; I even had August’s psychiatrist in a meeting to explain the “good person/bad person” concept so they didn’t think I was making it up. And if the teacher match isn’t working, get the IEP teacher and principal involved and make a change as soon as possible. I was trying to be nice and assume it was always August’s fault. When I recognized the pattern and saw that it wasn’t always and took charge, it made a world of difference!
Until next time,